


If the Lord Don't Forgive Me

by Tamburlaine



Series: For Reasons Wretched and Divine [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mentions of PTSD, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Content, Witness Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:19:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamburlaine/pseuds/Tamburlaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is looking for an escape from her life. She thinks she's found it when she runs into Bellamy.</p>
<p>What she doesn't know is that Bellamy is escaping as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There's an Art to Life's Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be just a relatively short one-shot, but it turned into a story with three parts, then four parts and gained a sequel as well. Hurrah! I have had so much fun writing this story, which probably explains why it became much bigger than I anticipated.
> 
> The tags are quite sparse, but I kind of think they act as spoilers. I'd say this story has the same rating as The 100: a bit more explicit on the sex and a little less on the violence.
> 
> Beta'd by my darlings Ester and Laura <3
> 
> The title is from Hozier's 'Work Song'. Actually, all the titles will be from Hozier's songs, since this whole thing was written listening to his album. Furthermore, with the sequel I have in mind, they fit the mood quite nicely as well.
> 
> Title of chapter 1 is from Hozier's 'Someone New'.

It wasn't every day Clarke got to remove stitches from a stab wound, but that was what she had on her hands next. Neither was it every day that she got to treat an extremely hot stranger, but that was another thing she would have her hands on. Have on her hands.

Clarke turned away from the computer screen, currently displaying the report from the doctor who had sewn the stitches, and smiled towards her patient. She had never met him before, which was a curiosity in such a small town. Especially as he didn't seem to be much older than Clarke and they should have been in high school at the same time.

”If you could take your shirt off, this will only take a few minutes”, she said and pulled on a pair of blue gloves. He nodded and shrugged off his jacket, before pulling the white t-shirt over his head. Clarke made sure to only look at the wound in his lower abdomen and not at the more pleasant view which was the rest of his body.

The wound wasn't big and the stitches were neat, which made Clarke's job easy. As she cleaned the wound she glanced up at the man, who was watching her with a small smile.

”Mind telling me what happened?” Clarke asked, keeping her tone light.

”I had a disagreement with a friend”, he answered in the same manner. Clarke raised one eyebrow and used tweezers to pick up the first knot.

”A good friend?”  
  
”As you can probably guess, we're not in touch anymore.” Clarke nodded and they sat in silence as she finished her work. Once she was done she sat back and allowed herself one glance. Olive skin, abs and insane pecs: just what she needed to get through the rest of the day. Slightly faded dog tags hung around his neck and there were a few scars on his arms, as well as two tattoos.

”Everything look good, Doc?” he asked and smirked as Clarke met his eyes.

”Very”, Clarke answered and turned back to the computer to hide her blush. ”You can remove the adhesive strips in five days. Just be careful with the wound and make sure to keep it clean and there shouldn't be a need for another visit, Mr Black”, she said and turned back to him with a more professional smile. ”But I want you to call me immediately if it shows any signs of infection.”

”I will.” He had put his shirt back on and stood up to shake Clarke's hand. ”Thank you Doctor Griffin.”

”I'm not a doctor yet, Mr Black. Take care of yourself.”

He stopped with his hand on the door handle. ”It's Bellamy”, he said and gave her a cheeky once-over. ”For future reference.”

  
  


That future was three weeks later, when she stumbled upon him during her evening shift. It took Clarke a second to recognize him in the blue outfit of a janitor, holding a toolbox in one hand and a key card in the other.

”Bla– Bellamy, hi. What are you doing here?” she asked and took a step back. It took him a second longer to place her face, a second during which he almost looked afraid, but the look was soon replaced by a languid smile.

”Not-yet-doctor Griffin. I've been wondering if we would run into each other.”

”Please, call me Clarke”, Clarke answered and eyed the name tag on his chest. ”I didn't know you worked here.”

”Still on my first week. The only job I could get on short notice”, he said. ”We only moved here recently, so...”

”From where?” Clarke had guessed as much: she would have remembered those freckles if she'd ever seen them before.

”Further down the East coast”, he answered evasively. ”But I've got some work to do so I need to go. It was nice to see you.” With a small smile he walked past her, leaving Clarke to wonder whether the flirting at his appointment had been all in her head.

  
  


Though some people (mainly her mother) called Clarke a workaholic, Clarke refused to admit it. That was why,  even though she had a long shift behind her, she picked up the phone when Jasper called and agreed to meet him and Monty at their neighbourhood bar.

After a quick shower she headed two blocks down to meet up with her two best friends. Well, her only friends. Clarke supposed that made them her best friends, even though she saw them very rarely and had next to nothing in common with them. Not like she had had with Wells, anyway.

Jasper and Monty were already at the bar, sitting at the table in the back as usual. Clarke hugged them both and took the offered beer with a smile, thankful that she didn't have to go up to the bar and order for herself. Raven was working tonight and Clarke hadn't quite gotten over the fact that she was engaged to Finn and had been for the whole time Clarke had been with the man. It wasn't Raven's fault, but it definitely made things awkward between them. The fact that things weren't going well between Raven and Finn at the moment was no consolation.

“So, how have you been?” Jasper asked. The goggles he used to wear on his head when they were younger had sometime during high school been exchanged for a pair of thick rimmed, black glasses.

“Good, working mostly. My mum got me a job at the hospital.”

“Perks of having a mother as head surgeon at the hospital”, Jasper teased, but Clarke had to lift her beer to hide her grimace. She hated to be given special treatment because of her mother. If she had gotten into Harvard she wouldn't be in this position.

“A girl's gotta do”, she answered. Twenty-two years old and she still lived in her parents house, a med-school reject and single. Clarke quickly looked around her to banish all thoughts of her cheating ex, and caught Bellamy's eyes as he stepped inside the bar. He was in a black leather jacket, dark hair ruffled from the wind. He smiled as he recognized her and tipped his chin in hello.

“Clarke? Clarke, hello. You still with us?” Jasper was waving a hand in her face and Clarke turned back to them.

“Sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked whether you'd gotten to do anything exciting yet at the hospital”, Monty said helpfully, though his eyes flickered to the bar. “Who's that?” Bellamy had sat down at the bar and quickly got Raven's attention.

“Bellamy, he works at the hospital”, Clarke answered. “He moved here a week ago.”

“You should go talk to him”, Jasper said and wiggled his eyebrows.

“I don't even know him, stop that”, Clarke said and looked away from Bellamy. “And no, nothing interesting. Thanks to my pre-med classes I get to do basic things, but no surgeries or anything.” Clarke forced a smile and hoped the other two would drop Bellamy. She wasn't going to admit that she had googled him the previous evening. (Nothing. There wasn't a single mention of a Matthew Bellamy Black on the whole world wide web.)

“You'll get in next year, don't worry”, Monty said and gave her a pat on the shoulder. Her friends knew that she hadn't taken the rejection well.

“Yeah. You're only twenty-two, you're too young to get grey hairs from worrying”, Jasper agreed and pulled teasingly at one of her blond locks. “Now don't look, but Simon is staring at you.” Clarke knew better than to look, mostly because she didn't want to give the man an excuse to come up to them.

Simon had been one year their senior in high school and college, but it wasn't until Clarke graduated that he had tried to ask her out. Clarke hadn't been interested and she still wasn't.

“He's coming over.”

Thirty seconds, and “Clarke, hi. How are you doing?”

Clarke looked up with a stale smile and greeted Simon. He was good looking enough, with short brown hair and a strong jaw, but his personality made all physical attributes irrelevant. As Jasper spoke up, Clarke glanced over at the bar. Bellamy was leaning against it with one elbow, head turned towards their corner. Across the dim room Clarke could see him raise an eyebrow and Clarke nodded. She turned back to Simon with a more genuine smile as Bellamy stood up.

“What's up, Simon?”

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out for drinks some time?” Simon asked, looking around for a chair to pull up at their table.

“I'm sorry Simon, but I'm kind of seeing someone”, Clarke said. Simon stopped with his hand on the back of a chair and frowned. Jasper and Monty looked equally perplexed.

“Who?”

“Me.” Bellamy's timing was perfect as he gave Simon a clap on the shoulder before sitting down next to Clarke, who gladly scooted over. “I'm sorry I'm late”, he said to Clarke, who couldn't stop grinning.

“Was there anything else?” Clarke asked Simon, who looked confused, surprised, and angry in equal measure. He shook his head mutely and left without another word. Jasper's loud laugh reminded Clarke that there were other people at the table.

“That was awesome. Nice to meet you man, I'm Jasper”, he said and shook Bellamy's hand. Monty did the same, seemingly as amused as his friend. Simon had never been their favourite asshole-jock in high school.

“Good to meet you guys”, Bellamy said before angling himself towards Clarke. “You often have these kind of problems?”

“Sometimes”, Clarke admitted with a small smile.

“That's an understatement”, Monty piped up. “She was known for being hard-to-get. Prettiest blonde at school, I think there was a queue to ask you out before every prom”, he continued and grinned at Clarke.

“Not true”, Clarke protested, but Bellamy laughed and bumped her shoulder easily.

“Princess of Ark High School, huh? Should have guessed”, he teased. Clarke didn't get a chance to answer as his phone rang. Bellamy pulled it out immediately and answered with a slightly worried hello. Clarke could her someone, a woman based on the voice, scream at him from the other end. She could feel her smile disappear as Bellamy assured her that he'd be home in ten minutes. It was just her luck that the one interesting guy in their town had a girlfriend.

Bellamy pocketed his phone with a sigh. “I've got to go, sorry. It appears the warm water isn't working and O is already in a shitty mood because of the move”, he explained and emptied his glass. “It was nice to meet you. I hope I'll see you again soon Clarke”, he added and Clarke could have sworn he was flirting.

“Even if your girlfriend gets mad?” she said, trying to sound cheerful. Bellamy frowned a second before breaking into laughter. He started walking backwards towards the door before answering.

“Octavia is my sister. There is no girlfriend in the picture”, he said with a broad smile and turned around with a wink. Clarke looked down at her drink with a blush on her cheeks and her heart happily hammering in her chest.

“Girl, I have never seen you this interested before”, Jasper said. Monty nodded in agreement, and after a beat, so did Clarke.

  
  


It had been a quiet night at the ER until a police van rolled up in front of the hospital. Clarke had just gotten herself a cup of coffee, having removed a fishbone from a girl's throat, when a man was led in. His hands were cuffed behind his back, but there was an ugly gash on his forehead, and he seemed to struggle walking between the two officers.

“This way”, Clarke instructed and took them into the room she had occupied for the evening. One of the officers followed her in with the bleeding man, who seemed more furious than concussed as he was sat down. “What happened?” Clarke asked while pulling on her gloves and eyeing the man. His clothes were muddy, and there seemed to be more blood than a simple head wound could provide.

“We got a call for a disturbance at a home. He tried to cut his wrists in the back of the police car”, the officer informed her.

“Uncuff him then, I can't look at the wounds if his arms are behind his back”, Clarke ordered and retrieved bandages. As she looked up, she noticed Bellamy standing in the lobby. This was the first she had seen of him since the night at the bar a few days ago. He had a mop in his hand, but he was watching her intensely. Clarke gave him a short nod to say that she had it under control, before turning back to the patient.

The officer took a step back after releasing the man, who remained completely still as she approached him.

“I'm just going to clean your wound and bandage it, okay?” Clarke said and showed the supplies in her hand.

For a moment, it looked like he was going to let her.

Clarke reached for his left hand at the same time as he swung at her face with his right. The punch was hard enough to make her fall off her chair and hit the ground. She scrambled away as he grabbed the chair and threw it at the police officer before running towards the door. Clarke looked up just in time to see Bellamy tackle the man down. She screamed out – the man was clearly dangerous for fuck's sake, what was he thinking? – but within a second the man was on his stomach with Bellamy on top of him. The man struggled and cursed, but the grip Bellamy had on his arms had him effectively immobilized.

And yes, the dog tags.  _Military_ .

The officers quickly took over and one of the head nurses helped them get the man somewhere else, but Clarke could barely make it up from the floor. It wasn't the blood, there wasn't even a lot of it, but the fact that she was punched.  _In the face_ . It had been unexpected, and  she needed a few minutes to get herself back together and for her heartbeat to slow down.

“Clarke, hey, are you alright? Clarke?” Bellamy was crouching in front of her, concern clear on his face. Clarke nodded and took his hand so he could pull her back on her feet.

“I need to change”, Clarke said. “I'm fine.” No one tried to stop her as she hurried up one floor to her mother's office. She changed into a clean coat and took a few breaths. Her hands had already started to shake and her cheek was throbbing, but the pain felt distant.

Clarke wasn't entirely surprised to find Bellamy standing at the door when she turned around. He looked concerned, brow furrowed and lips pulled into a tight line.

“You didn't have to come up here, I told you I'm fine”, Clarke said and offered him a smile. Bellamy didn't answer, but walked over to her and raised his hand to carefully examine her cheek. Clarke leaned into the touch and met his eyes. They were standing inches apart and Clarke realized she would only have to reach up and pull his head down to kiss him. So she did.

“Clarke...” Bellamy said as he broke the kiss, but Clarke looked at him with as much confidence as she could.

“Please–“

Later, Clarke would blame many things for why she had sex with an almost stranger without a second thought. She would blame the adrenaline. She would blame the sudden break-up with Finn, which had left her sex deprived and emotional. She would blame not having a father in her life anymore to tell her not to, and her mother for being infuriating. She would blame her boring, routine life, and most of all, Bellamy, for being new and exciting and charming and mysterious and  _hot_ .

Now, she blamed the furious kiss and the words: “– fuck me.”

She could feel him nod before their lips met again. He picked her up and placed her on the table, sucking and nipping at her neck. She would probably have hickies the following day, but at the moment she didn't care. Clarke pulled the uniform down over his shoulders and pushed his t-shirt up to get her hands on his body – properly this time.

“I've got a condom in my wallet”, Bellamy said and Clarke was glad to hear him breathless. “It's in my back pocket.”

“Of course you have a condom in your wallet”, Clarke teased and reached back to pull it out, giving his ass a grope at the same time. He chuckled and kissed her on the lips while she fumbled with the wallet. One of his hands had found its way underneath her shirt and squeezed her breast. The other opened her jeans deftly just as Clarke found the condom and threw the wallet on the table next to her.

“C'mon, quickly, forget foreplay”, Clarke urged and shimmied out of her jeans. Bellamy pulled his shirt over his head, and the mussed hair and hunger in his eyes were enough to get any girl weak in the knees. Clarke spread hers, but instead of reaching for the condom, Bellamy grabbed her thighs and forced Clarke to lean on her elbows as he put his mouth between her legs.

Clarke could barely hear anything over her own breath as she hooked her legs over his shoulders, eager for an orgasm. She had never understood the term 'eaten out' before, in her experience it had always been more of a careful licking experience, but as Bellamy went down on her Clarke finally got it.

When he straightened up to kiss her again his lips were shining with her juices and she could taste herself on his tongue. Clarke raked one hand through his hair and put the other one on his back. It didn't take long for him to get the condom on, and Clarke had to bite back a moan as he finally thrust into her. She could feel the muscles in his back working as he started moving and she grabbed at his locks. As he moaned, she tightened her grip and pulled lightly. She sucked on his bare neck as his hand, the one that wasn't holding onto her thigh just hard of bruising, reached between their bodies and started working on her clit.

It didn't take long for them both to reach an orgasm, which was probably just as well, since they were in a hospital. Clarke came first, stifling her moan against his neck. A few thrusts later Bellamy stilled, breathing heavily. He kissed her breathlessly before pulling out.

Clarke watched his chest rise and sink in time with hers and reached out to touch the sheen of sweat on his shoulders. He met her eyes with a lopsided smile and tucked himself away. He threw away the condom while Clarke slid down onto the ground and pulled up her jeans. The pain in her cheek felt alien as every other part of her body was still feeling the post-orgasm bliss.

Clarke was running her fingers through her hair in an effort to get it to cooperate when Bellamy looped his arms around her waist and pulled her into another kiss.

“Better?”

“Much”, Clarke whispered and pulled away to straighten her coat. And she was supposed to be a professional. “Thank you”, she added with a smile, which he returned before pulling on his shirt.

“My pleasure”, Bellamy answered with a smirk. Clarke was happy to find that he looked as fucked out as she felt. His hair was a mess and there was a blooming bruise on his neck. Clarke felt like a teenager as she inspected her work with a satisfied smile.

“You need to get out, before anyone comes in. Go”, Clarke said. Bellamy's expression sobered and he nodded. He picked up his wallet from where Clarke had thrown it before going to the door. There was something in the rigidness of his shoulders that made Clarke call out to him before he could leave.

“Bellamy!” He turned back towards her, his face expressionless, and Clarke realized she might have sounded like she regretted the whole thing. “We could do this again? Without the crazy guy maybe?” The width of her smile was ridiculous as his face broke into a grin and he nodded.

“Anything for you”, he said and tipped an imaginary hat. The door closed behind him and Clarke stared at it for a good thirty seconds before shaking herself back into action.


	2. I Will Not Ask You Where You Come From

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke starts spending time with Bellamy. If she ignored her mother's disapproval and Bellamy's secrets, the budding relationship was as close to perfect as it could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Hozier's 'Like Real People Do'.
> 
> Beta'd by my darling Ester. All remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Clarke met up with Bellamy two days later. She had managed to catch him as his shift ended the day after the quickie, and they exchanged numbers.In the evening she got a text from him and they decided to go to the bar again, without Jasper and Monty this time.

They stayed there for close to five hours. They talked a lot, mostly about Clarke's life. Though Bellamy was happy to talk about Octavia, always with a fond smile, he was otherwise very tight lipped about his past. He told Clarke that he had never met his father and that his mother passed away when he was eighteen. He did a tour abroad with the army when he was nineteen, but after that “nothing much” had happened in his life until he and Octavia moved.

Clarke agreed to dance with him after the third tequila shot, and after the fifth they left the bar. Clarke's mother was at a conference in Washington, so she took Bellamy back to hers. They didn't fall asleep until dawn.

  
  


After that not a day went by without Clarke having some form of contact with Bellamy. They met up as often as they could, but it wasn't until Abby returned from Washington that Clarke was for the first time invited over to Bellamy's.

He and Octavia lived in a small house in a modest neighbourhood. The garden was well taken care of, courtesy of Octavia according to Bellamy, but the paint on the house was flaking and the front door creaked as they entered.

“The kitchen is this way”, Bellamy said and lead the way inside. Clarke followed him and looked around her curiously. Despite the two weeks of constant phone calls and texts, she still didn't know very much about Bellamy. She had questions she hoped the house could answer.

“What would my princess like to eat before she retires to bed?” Bellamy asked as he went over to the fridge. He had taken to calling her princess after he found out about her past popularity. Clarke found she didn't mind, not when he said it with such affection.

“Whatever the chef can prepare”, she answered and walked around the small kitchen. All the standard furniture and appliances were there, but nothing that would have made it personal. Clarke supposed it was because of the recent move, but still. Bellamy chuckled and started pulling out supplies from the fridge.

“Bell!” someone shouted from upstairs. Clarke could hear someone run down the stairs. “Could you call that fucking Kane and tell him that I _need_ Facebook now that – oh. Hi.” A girl, maybe a few years younger than Clarke, stopped in the doorway and stared at Clarke with wide eyes. She was very pretty, even without make-up and with her hair in a ponytail. The anger disappeared from her face the moment she spotted Clarke.

“Hi”, Clarke said and tried to smile, “you must be Octavia. I'm Clarke.” Octavia ignored the hand Clarke held out.

“O, this is Clarke. Be nice”, Bellamy said before continuing preparing the evening snack. Clarke, unsure of what to do, stood silently and waited for Octavia to do something. Finally, Octavia smiled and nodded at her.

“Nice to meet you. Please keep the moaning down when you go to bed”, she said and turned back to her brother, who had finished setting up the plates. “Call Kane or I swear to God I'm going back.” With that she turned around and ran back upstairs. Bellamy offered Clarke a bowl of yoghurt and fresh fruit with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. A teenager and a sudden move do not go well together”, he said.

“It's all right”, Clarke said and took her bowl. “Who's Kane?”

Bellamy didn't look at her as he answered. “An old... friend from back home. He's helped us with the move.” He smiled at her and nodded towards the bowl. “Now eat, so we can get to bed.”

They ate standing in the kitchen and it didn't take long for Clarke to get over the surprisingly awful first meeting with Bellamy's sister. By the time they went to bed she was back to the all-consuming, happy state that always enveloped her with Bellamy. Still, just out of spite, she didn't hold back the moans when they fucked.

  
  


She got her second chance to make a better impression on Octavia – or, as Bellamy put it, for Octavia to make a better impression on her – three nights later when they agreed to meet up at the bar. Monty and Jasper would be coming as well, since Clarke hadn't seen them in weeks. Not since she started seeing Bellamy.

“Darling, you look beautiful”, Abby said as Clarke came down to the kitchen. She glanced at the clock; Bellamy should arrive any minute now to pick her up. It was sort of unnecessary for her to accept a ride to the bar only a few blocks over, but it might be the only chance to be alone with Bellamy that day. She had an early shift the following day, whereas Bellamy had some things to take care of relating to the move, which meant that they couldn't spend the night together.

“Are you going somewhere?” Abby asked and Clarke nodded at her. Their relationship wasn't the best these days: Clarke knew her mother was disappointed that Clarke didn't get into Harvard.

“Yeah, I am.”

“With that mystery man of yours?” When Clarke nodded, Abby turned away, but Clarke didn't miss the disapproving frown on her face.

“What?”

“It's just, you've been spending so much time with him. Sleeping over every night, not seeing any of your other friends. How well can you even know him?” Abby said. At least she was straightforward about her issues.

“Well enough”, Clarke bit back and glanced at her phone.

“I just don't want you to get hurt darling”, Abby said with a softer voice. “Is he picking you up? I'd like to meet him.” As Clarke opened her mouth to protest, her mother continued. “It would make me feel better. Please, Clarke.”

“Fine.” Clarke sent Bellamy a text and sat down by the kitchen table. She was fully prepared to wait quietly until he arrived, but Abby wasn't quite satisfied. She sat down across from Clarke and smiled in a way that was probably meant to be supporting.

“So, how did you two meet?”

“At the hospital.” A car pulled up outside and Clarke could feel her heartbeat speed up, as if it could tell that Bellamy was close by. She hurried to the door and pulled it open before Bellamy had a chance to ring the doorbell.

“Hi Princess”, he said and pulled her into a kiss. Clarke went happily, for a moment oblivious to the disapproval of her mother.

“Hi”, she said once they had separated and pulled him inside. “Sorry about this, my mum wanted to meet you, make sure you weren't a serial killer or anything”, she joked and led him into the kitchen.

As Abby sized him up Clarke could tell Bellamy felt uncomfortable.

“Hi, Mrs Griffin. I'm Matthew Black”, he introduced himself, but didn't offer his hand as Abby made no move to stand up. Clarke looked at him questioningly, because _Matthew_?

“I heard you've just moved here”, Abby said and Clarke would have given anything to take back the text she had sent to Bellamy, asking him to come inside for a moment. She could have done without her mother's interrogation.

“Yeah, me and my sister.”

“She's coming tonight as well. And Monty and Jasper. They are probably already waiting for us, we should go”, Clarke said when no one else offered anything. She expected her mother to protest, but Abby nodded.

“Yes, of course”, she said and finally got up. “I would like it if you would join us this weekend for dinner, Matthew.” Clarke could understand Bellamy's hesitance and she squeezed his hand to let him know that it was okay if he didn't want to.

“I'm sorry, but I can't”, Bellamy answered. Clarke cut in before Abby could protest.

“Bye, Mum. I'll be home later”, she said and pulled Bellamy outside. They got in Bellamy's car and started driving in silence. Clarke's mood got better the further away from the house that they got, but Bellamy remained closed-off even when they arrived.

Monty and Jasper were at their regular table and Octavia arrived just a minute later. This time she was smiling and seemed to have put her previous animosity behind her as she greeted Clarke.

The pub was as packed as it ever got: everyone within a three block radius had come for a few drinks on a Friday night. Clarke laughed as she watched Jasper stare at Octavia with his mouth open, and turned towards Bellamy to share the moment. But he was staring resolutely at his beer and it was only when she nudged him in the side that he looked up at her.

“Is everything all right? I'm sorry about my mum, she's just overprotective.” Bellamy glanced at her and emptied the rest of his beer in one. Clarke watched his throat work, momentarily distracted from the growing uneasy in her chest.

“I just hadn't realized how serious this had gotten”, he answered once he had put down his glass. Clarke would have given anything for even the shadow of a smile on his face. “I'm going to get another.” With that Bellamy got up and went over to the bar. Clarke stared after him, but looked away when she recognized Raven. The girl was sitting at the counter, apparently off-duty for the night.

“How is it going with you two?” Monty asked. Jasper and Octavia were caught up in their own conversation. “Last we talked you didn't even know the guy. Are you dating now?” Clarke glanced towards the bar: Bellamy and Raven were talking, standing a bit too close to each other for Clarke's comfort.

“No, we're not”, Clarke realized and looked down at her drink. “We've just been hanging out, I guess. I'm going to go to the bathroom, sorry”, she added and got up as fast as she could before hurrying to the back. Before she turned the corner into the hallway with the toilets she glanced back towards the bar, just in time to see Raven reach up and whisper something in Bellamy's ear.

Clarke locked the door behind her and leaned against the sink, taking deep breaths. They weren't dating; she hadn't even known Bellamy for a month. But, Clarke stared at her confused and hurt reflection, everything had been so perfect. Had meeting her mother really scared him that much?

Clarke stayed in the bathroom for several minutes before returning to their table. By that time, Bellamy had left with Raven. To Clarke's surprise, Octavia threw her a confused look.

“He really likes you, you know”, she said low enough for the boys not to hear.

“Then why did he leave with her?” Clarke asked, anger slipping into her voice. Octavia looked away, and Clarke could clearly see the family resemblance. Even before she answered Clarke knew she wasn't going to get a helpful answer.

“It's... difficult.”

  
  


Clarke managed to go one day before she borrowed her mother's car and drove over to the Black residence. There hadn't been a single text or call from Bellamy, neither had she seen him at the hospital. She missed him fiercely, but more than that she wanted to know why she hurt more now than after the break-up with Finn.

The front door was locked, so she had to bang on it until he opened. He was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and had dark circles around his eyes.

“Clarke, what are you–“,

“Why?” Clarke interrupted and stepped inside in case he wanted to close the door in her face. “I thought, I mean we – you – and then you sleep with Raven of all people! I told you about Finn and you – you utter piece of shit!”

“Clarke, please stop screaming. We weren't together.”

“Yes we were! Don't try to deny it, I know I was – am – somebody to you.” Clarke was not going to cry. She was too angry for that.

“Well, we shouldn't be!” Bellamy shouted back, before he visibly deflated. “You don't know me Clarke, I'm not good like you. I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did.”

“So meeting my mother was too much? Okay, we don't have to do that again.”

“You're not listening to me Clarke. _I'm_ not good for you”, Bellamy said and looked her straight in the eyes for the first time. Through the anger Clarke could feel the smallest spark of excitement, because this was the closest he had come to admitting there were secrets in his past.

“What is it Bellamy? Why did you introduce yourself as Matthew to my mum? Why won't you tell me what happened after you left the army? I know you're hiding something, but I know it can't be anything that will make me walk away.”

“Clarke, I want to tell you, some of it at least, but I can't”, Bellamy said. They were standing in the dark and though she couldn't see his expression, Clarke could hear the anguish in his voice. The anger ebbed to reveal the hurt she felt.

“I don't need to know then. I just, you sleeping with Raven, was that to push me away? Because you think you're not good for me?”

Bellamy nodded. “I'm so sorry, Clarke. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Never do that again”, Clarke commanded and pulled Bellamy in for a violent kiss. It took a second for him to respond, but as he put his arms around her, she tightened her hold on his hair. She was never letting go again. “You don't get to make that decision for me. I don't know what this is, what we have, but I know I want to give it a shot. I don't want to let go of this. Of you.”

They stumbled upstairs to Bellamy's room without turning on any lights. The only light was that of the moon, shining in through the window.

Clarke pushed Bellamy on the bed and he went easily, fully prepared to do as Clarke pleased to make up for his mistake. Clarke pulled off his sweatpants before climbing on top of him. As he moved his hands towards her she grabbed them and pressed them against the pillow above his head.

“Don't move”, she ordered before sliding down his body, nipping and sucking at his skin. She took as much of him in her mouth as she could, not wasting any time on teasing. His gasp made her smile around the hard cock in her mouth, and Clarke moved, eager to make him even more vocal. She enjoyed his moans, but even more the fact that he held still. As he tensed up Clarke removed her mouth.

“Clarke–“,

“Shh. Just wait a minute”, she answered and got up to finally take of her clothes. As she searched the bedside drawer for a condom Clarke smiled down at Bellamy. His hands were still above his head, and every muscle in his body was taut. His skin shone in the moonlight and his eyes were dark, his pupils dilated as if he was on drugs. And all because of her.

Clarke slid the condom on quickly before straddling him and sinking down. They moaned in unison and she took a second to kiss him deeply before she started moving. She took it slow, but when Bellamy started pleading Clarke leaned over to support herself on the wall and increased her speed. Bellamy, hands obediently still clasped over his head, reached up and took one of her nipples in his mouth and began sucking on it. Clarke threw her head back as she orgasmed and as she rode through it she could feel Bellamy come as well.

Clarke remained on top of him while they gathered their breaths and as Bellamy carefully put his arms around her, she smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest.

“Don't ever hurt me like that again”, she whispered and felt tears burn in her eyes. When they escaped she could feel them trail down her cheek before falling onto Bellamy's chest.

“I won't. I promise. I'm so sorry Clarke.” He touched her chin lightly and Clarke met his eyes. He wiped her cheek with his thumb and kissed her hard. “I've never felt this way before.”

“Me neither”, Clarke answered and cleared her throat. “As cliché as that sounds.” She smiled and pressed her face to his chest again.

  
  


Two days later Clarke got the truth about Bellamy's secret. And it all started with Octavia.

Clarke was staying the night at the Blacks'. Bellamy was in bed already, tired after a long shift at the hospital. Clarke was in the kitchen in one of his t-shirts, getting a glass of water. Octavia was supposed to stay at a friend's the night, but she stormed inside, while Clarke was putting her glass in the dishwasher.

“Fuck! Bellamy fucking Blake, you have destroyed my life! I can't even tell anyone I play–“. Octavia stopped mid-sentence as she entered the kitchen, and for a moment she looked terrified. Even as she put on a smile there remained something vary in her eyes. “I didn't know you were staying over, sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I'll just go to my room. Bye.” Clarke didn't get a word out before Octavia ran upstairs.

Bellamy was asleep when Clarke returned to bed, undisturbed by the shouting. She snuggled up to him and pressed herself against his back. There was something nagging at the back of her mind, but she fell asleep before she could figure out what it was.

The following morning she woke up early. The morning sun created rectangles on the covers and birds were calling outside the window. It seemed to Clarke that the whole house was at peace and she smiled happily. Bellamy was still breathing heavily, now on his back with his mouth slightly open. Clarke wondered whether Octavia was still asleep and hoped she was in a better mood.

Clarke knew the move hadn't been easy on Bellamy either, especially because of Octavia's tantrums. Clarke sat up almost fast enough to wake Bellamy up.  _Bellamy Blake_ . She reached for her phone and opened up the internet. With a quick glance at the man beside her, who still hadn't stirred, she tapped the name into google and pressed 'search'.

In a few seconds she got several results. Results and rankings connected to a high school football team; pictures of her Bellamy in an army uniform; old school pictures. And then there were articles:  _Gang Member Arrested_ ;  _D.A. Gets a Second Shot at Trial with New Witness_ ;  _Blake Cooperates, 'Grounders' face charges_ ;  _Ten Convictions, a Happy Day for the D.A._ . Clarke stared at a black and white mugshot of Bellamy in disbelief.

“Good morning beautiful.” Bellamy reached for her with a sleepy smile on his lips, but Clarke didn't move closer to him.

“Blake? That's your real name?” It was the first thing she could get out and apparently the most effective way of waking him up that she had yet found. Bellamy went completely rigid and stared at her with big eyes. He looked like an animal, debating whether to run or play dead in the face of a predator.

“What are you–“,

“I'm talking about this”, Clarke interrupted and showed him the phone screen. Bellamy glanced at it before returning his eyes to her face.

“How did you find out about it?”

“Octavia let it slip last night when she came home.” Bellamy said nothing, still observing her carefully. Clarke stared at the mugshot. She pulled up another article, one that focused on the 'star witness'.

_Bellamy Blake, who only had minor marks on his crime record before the attempted murder which he was arrested for in June, is to take the stand in a case against the gang known as the 'Grounders'. Blake has himself been affiliated with the gang and has been identified as one of the leading figures of the Grounders by a source. According to our source: “[Blake] was very popular among [the Grounders]. Some even think he would have taken over in a few years”. After the arrest Blake agreed to cooperate with the D.A. in exchange for protection. Many speculate that this is because of his sister, Octavia Blake._

Bellamy stayed silent as she read through the article and the next one, and the next one.

“You tried to murder someone?”

“No, I – Yes.”

“Did they force you to do it? The gang?”

“I could have said no. I should have.”

“Wouldn't they have killed you?” Clarke put away the phone and turned back to Bellamy. He still hadn't moved, but he seemed to relax a fraction. Perhaps because Clarke hadn't yet run away. He nodded slowly. “And you couldn't leave Octavia alone.” Another nod. “So all this, it was for Octavia?” Nod.

Neither knew what to say so neither spoke. Clarke didn't know what to think; her head felt full and empty at the same time. She got up and started to dress mechanically. Once she was fully clothed she glanced at Bellamy. He had sat up in the bed, the covers pooling in his lap. The bruise Clarke had sucked into his neck the previous evening wouldn't disappear for several days.

“I need some time to think”, Clarke said and went to the door. She hesitated with her hand on the handle, but honestly, she didn't know what else to say, so she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The third chapter is almost finished, but you'll have to wait a little bit longer for it.
> 
> Feedback is always greatly appreciated ^^ Also thank you for the kudos and the lovely comments this has gotten so far; you are all worth your weight in gold and more.


	3. I Feel Like a Person for a Moment of my Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a fight with her mother and a civil conversation with a stranger, yet both events leave her troubled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Hozier's 'To Be Alone'.
> 
> Beta'd by the flawless Laura and Ester.

 

For three days, Clarke turned the issue over in her head constantly. She didn't google Bellamy any more; it only served to confuse her further. Of course, logically, it all made sense. The stabbing wound and the move that had left Octavia so rattled, the vague answers and half-truths. But on the other hand, Clarke just couldn't picture Bellamy as a criminal, not when she knew how kind and gentle he could be.

No matter how much she thought about the revelation, it all began and ended with Bellamy, and she couldn't figure it out without talking to him. She had gotten over the initial shock of the discovery and realized she felt some sort of satisfaction from knowing the truth. She should have felt afraid, not desperate for more information.

It was raining the day that Clarke showed up on the Black – no,  _Blake_ – porch. She watched the grey street while she waited for somebody to open the door. One lonely dog walker was braving the weather, but even he hurried quickly along the sidewalk without glancing up at the figure in the red raincoat.

Bellamy opened the door with a wary face. The fall of raindrops against the roof created the backdrop as they watched each other in silence. Finally, Bellamy stepped back to allow Clarke to enter and Clarke walked past him, straight into the kitchen. He followed her silently and though Clarke remained standing, he sat down at the table.

“Where's Octavia?” Clarke asked before the silence could get too stifling and she wouldn't be able to get a word out.

“At school.” Bellamy looked exactly as he had when Clarke saw him last time, except a bit more tired, with shadows under his eyes and unshaven cheeks.

“Okay. Can we talk?”

Bellamy hesitated for a second, but he nodded. The way he pulled his fingers through his hair seemed tired, a bit defeated, as if this was the last thing he wanted to do. Clarke almost felt bad for him, but she needed to know, and even though the situation was uncomfortable, she hadn't been this at peace since that morning in Bellamy's bed.

“Do you want coffee? Or tea?” he asked as Clarke tried to decide where to start.

“Tea would be nice, thank you.” Bellamy got up to prepare the drink and Clarke realized she was dripping on the floor, still in her raincoat. She shrugged it off and went to the hallway to hang it up. One deep breath. When she returned, Bellamy was sitting at the table again, and this time Clarke joined him.

“So. What do you want to know?” he asked with an expressionless face, but at least he looked her in the eyes. It was obvious Clarke was going to get the whole truth this time.

“You moved here because you're in the witness protection program, right?” Clarke started and Bellamy confirmed it with a nod. “Your real name is Bellamy Blake. Is Octavia really, um, Octavia?” Bellamy nodded again, this time with the hint of a smile. Clarke could feel the tension in her shoulders ease a fraction. “Tell me about the Grounders.”

Bellamy got up to pour the hot water in mugs. “It's a gang in New York. Not the biggest or baddest, but definitely the kings of our neighbourhood. We lived our childhood on the same street – here you go”, Bellamy placed one of the mugs in front of Clarke before sitting down again, “– so the gang was always there. Our Mom always warned us, me and Octavia, to stay away from them. We did, mostly. A few of my friends joined, but I wanted to go to school, get a good job and get my family out of there.” Bellamy paused and smiled sadly. “But then our mother died. I dropped out of high school and worked at a bakery until I joined the army. It was the best money I could get, legally at least. And when I returned I didn't really have a choice, nobody wanted to hire me.”

Clarke wanted to reach over and grasp Bellamy's hand, but instead she held her mug tighter. It was almost too hot, but the pain kept her grounded. Bellamy continued talking with his eyes downcast.

“So I joined the Grounders. The tour I did with the army, well, I was used to violence and death, so it wasn't difficult to adapt. I didn't like it, but I was good at what I was asked to do, and I had food to bring home and a way to protect Octavia from getting into that life.” Bellamy took a sip of his tea. It must have burned, but he drank anyway. Perhaps he needed the pain as well, to remind him of where he was.

“It was... good, until I fucked up. A man had crossed one of our leaders and I was asked to take care of it. Except I didn't kill him and I got caught by the cops. There is nothing I could've done for Octavia from prison, she would've been alone. So I took the deal the D.A. offered me: information for a new life. I figured it might even be better, to get Octavia away from New York.” Bellamy looked up with a lopsided smile. “So I testified and got flown here. Wasn't supposed to let anyone know my real name, but I guess I didn't count on meeting you.”

“So what now?” Clarke asked.

“I don't know. I haven't told Kane, the agent who is babysitting us, about you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was hoping you'd come back”, Bellamy admitted quietly. “But I understand if you don't want anything to do with me. I'm not quite what it says on the packaging.”

“A good man who loves his sister?” Clarke said and stood up. She smiled at the look of surprise on Bellamy's face and offered him her hand. “This is a lot, but. Not too much, I think. I could use a pair of dry socks, you think you can arrange that?”

When Octavia came home from school Bellamy and Clarke were snuggled up on the couch, both peacefully asleep.

  
  


Clarke stayed the night. She woke up at eight o'clock in the evening with Bellamy's arms wrapped around her body, feeling warm and relaxed. She couldn't help but smile as she carefully sat up and turned around to look at her man.  _Her man_ . Clarke brushed back the locks that had fallen over his forehead. Even though her touch was soft, it made Bellamy open his eyes, and he smiled the moment he saw her.

“Hi there, Princess.”

“Hey”, Clarke whispered back. “I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep at all tonight. Bellamy pulled her back down and gave her a lazy kiss. Arousal sparked in Clarke's chest and she smiled into the kiss; after three days of nothing, just a simple kiss was enough to turn her on.

“Why are you smiling?” Bellamy asked, his voice low and rough from sleep.

“I was just thinking about that time we had sex in the hospital”, Clarke whispered, mouth close enough to his ear to touch. “How you ate me out on the table.” She could hear his breath stutter and let out a satisfied sigh. “It was incredible.” Clarke nibbled at his earlobe teasingly before pulling back. From his eyes all traces of sleepiness were gone, replaced by lust. His hardening cock was trapped underneath her thigh.

“I'm not that sleepy either”, Bellamy said and cleared his throat. “Just– just let me get a glass of water and I'll refresh those memories for you, yeah?” With a smile Clarke kissed him and got up just enough for him to crawl out from underneath her and stumble his way to the kitchen. Seizing the moment, Clarke stripped and sat down with her feet off the couch. After a moments consideration she placed a pillow between her feet.

Bellamy returned, eyes wide awake though his hair was still a mess. He stopped when he noticed Clarke and sucked in a breath.

“Take off your shirt”, Clarke whispered and watched him follow her orders. Before, when she'd been with Finn, she had been self-conscious of her body, but underneath Bellamy's hungry gaze she felt outright sexy.

Without further prompting Bellamy kneeled on the pillow and reached up to kiss Clarke before allowing her fingers in his hair to guide him between her legs. Clarke's head fell back against the couch as his tongue swept over her slit, and she sent a quick wish to whomever was listening that Octavia wasn't at home, before all thoughts were wiped from her mind.

  
  


Having thought that Abby would be working the following day, Clarke was moderately surprised to find her mother at home. What surprised her even more was finding Abby with Finn Collins of all people. Sitting in the kitchen with coffee mugs in their hands, they were talking amicably, something that had never happened while Clarke and Finn were dating.

Both looked up when Clarke stopped in the doorway.

“Mom, I didn't know you'd be home”, Clarke said and hiked her bag higher up on her shoulder. Both Abby and Finn were forcing smiles, though Abby's looked slightly more natural.

“I got the day off. I'm happy _you_ 're home, Finn stopped by hoping to talk to you”, Abby answered. Clarke avoided Finn's embarrassed smile and met her mother's determined eyes instead. It seemed that even Finn was a better option than Bellamy, though Clarke couldn't understand why her mother felt that way.

“Do you mind, Clarke?” Finn asked, and there was no other choice for Clarke but to nod and lead the way up to her room.

Her bedroom had changed a lot since her childhood, but it was still her childhood bedroom. Clarke threw the bag on her bed and walked over to the window. The same room, same house, same street, same fucking town her whole life. She was supposed to move out when she started college, but her father's death had changed that. Medical school would have been her second chance, but then that fell through.

“You wanted to talk?” said Clarke and leaned against the windowsill, eyes on Finn who had gingerly sat down on the edge of her bed. Clarke could distantly remember losing her virginity to him on that bed.

“Well, actually, I was biking past your house and ran into your mother. She invited me in”, Finn said and smiled. There had been a time when Clarke had been absolutely enamoured by his smile, but now it did nothing to her. She almost smiled at the thought. “But I've been wanting to talk to you. I tried to call you but you never answered me.”

“Sorry, I've been busy.”

“So Abby tells me. Says she barely sees you any more now that you're with... Matthew, was it?”

“It's not like we spent any time together before he showed up either”, Clarke said and sat down on the bed, pulled up one foot underneath her and faced Finn. She had a shift at the hospital that evening, and she had been looking forward to a few hours of peace and Netflix. Peace and Netflix did not include a conversation with her ex. “What did you want to talk about, Finn?”

Clarke could see his throat move as he swallowed and thought it an odd sight to see Finn nervous. His eyes snapped up from her lips and Clarke had a half second of  _hell no_ before Finn leaned forward and kissed her. Clarke's first reaction was to pull back and hit him, fist clenched, straight across his mouth.

“Get out”, Clarke hissed and held her fist. There was some blood on his lips and as Clarke glanced down to check, on her knuckles. Finn had frozen, eyes wide, yet Clarke's patience had run out. “You better leave before I punch you again.”

“Shit, all right, I'm sorry, Clarke, so sorry”, he rambled as he got out and fled the room. When the door banged shut Clarke grimaced and inspected her hand closer. His teeth had caught on her hand and broken skin in two places.

Heady with pain and adrenaline Clarke rushed down the stairs and to the kitchen in search for something cold to put on her hand and a mother to scream at. Still at the table, Abby was staring at her phone with a frown.

“What happened?” she asked and looked up, alarm flashing across her face as she noticed Clarke's hand. Clarke ripped open the freezer and pulled out an icepack before turning to her mother.

“Finn kissed me and I punched him. What did you think would happen? That I'd see him and run straight back into his arms? He _cheated on me_ , Mom!” Her voice rose in volume with every word. For the first time in forever Abby looked shaken, and Clarke took pleasure in it.

“I know, honey, I know. I just thought that–”,

“What exactly, Mom?! I would never leave Bell– Matthew, not for Finn or anyone.”

“Clarke, you don't even know him! He's a bad influence on you! At least when you were with Finn I could expect you home once a week. And now you're punching people? Your father would be so disappointed in you.”

Clarke almost threw the icepack at her mother. “You don't get to talk about him!” she screamed, all resemblance of control forgotten. “You didn't even mourn him when he died! Not one tear.”

“I loved your father, Clarke, I did–”,

“I don't believe you”, Clarke interrupted. “If you had, you would understand what I feel for Matthew.”

“You don't love him, honey. You can't yet”, Abby said, her tone now almost pitying. She was holding her hands up as if she was calming a distressed wild animal. Clarke almost felt like one.

“Just because you're incapable of emotions doesn't mean that I am”, she bit back and turned on her heel.

  
  


_The fabric of the quilt was rough underneath her fingers, the ground soft beneath her feet. Clarke could smell damp grass and autumn in the air, but the sun was still close enough to the earth to warm her skin. Bellamy's chest moved with calm breaths; Clarke could hear his heart beating as she leaned her head against it. His fingers played with her hair and the touch made her shiver._

“ _We should do this every day”, Clarke murmured with closed eyes and a smile on her lips._

“ _It will be winter soon”, Bellamy answered._

“ _We could get blankets and candles. Or just sit in your car. Drive it up here on this hill and watch the town lights.”_

“ _Sounds like heaven.” Clarke raised her head, crossed her arms on his chest and leaned her chin on them to be able to look at his face as they spoke. Bellamy had been watching the clear blue sky, but he turned his eyes to her with a soft smile and pressed a light kiss on her forehead._

_They had taken the car and a picnic basket and driven just outside of town to enjoy one of the last beautiful days of the summer._

“ _You make me happy, you know?” Clarke said and watched as Bellamy's smile grew._

“ _Of course I do, I'm a catch”, he teased. Smoothly, he turned them over so that he hovered above Clarke, carrying his weight on his elbows and shadowing the sun. Clarke kissed him with a laugh. “You make me happy too, Princess”, Bellamy said softer and leaned down for another kiss._

  
  


The graveyard shift felt like an eternity. The waiting room was empty and there hadn't been a patient in two hours. It was good, Clarke supposed, but it also made the clock tick even slower. She still had three hours left to go before she could return to Bellamy.

Clarke retrieved her third cup of coffee from the vending machine just to have something to do, but when she returned there was someone in the waiting room. The man looked up with a pleasant smile, but there was something in his eyes that gave Clarke goose bumps. He had long brown hair pulled back behind his ears, sharp eyebrows and a black tattoo that stretched up to his neck to peak over the collar of his shirt.

“Can I help you with anything?” Clarke asked and walked up behind the reception desk. Maya, the girl who was supposed to be manning it, had left to take a phone call from her father. Clarke felt better with the desk between her and the stranger, even as he stood up and walked closer.

“Yeah, I think you can... Doctor Griffin”, he finished after a glance at her name tag. Clarke didn't bother to correct him. “I was wondering if you had seen a friend of mine. He might have come in some weeks ago with a stabbing wound?” Clarke worked hard to keep her expression neutral.

“I'm sorry, but we can't give out patient information”, she answered in her most authoritative voice. The man didn't seem discouraged if the amused look on his face was anything to go by.

“I understand. But you see, I really need to find him. Could you take a look at this picture and tell me if you recognize the man?” The stranger pulled out his wallet and straightened out a photo before sliding it over the counter to Clarke. The picture was taken so as to fit his whole body in it and he was standing in a dark alley, but Clarke recognized Bellamy immediately. His hair was slicked back in a way it never was any more; he had a beer in one hand, a bruise on his left cheek and a cigarette between his lips. He was smirking directly into the camera.

“I've never seen him before”, Clarke answered and handed back the photograph. The victorious smile on the man's face made Clarke's stomach clench in fear: he knew she was lying.

“You sure about that, Doc?” He nodded and put the picture back in his wallet carefully. “Well, if you happen to see him anyway, tell him Murphy's looking for him, will you?” Clarke stood frozen in place, wondering whether she should call security. But the man backed away with raised hands. “Thanks for your time, Doc”, he said before turning around and leaving through the front door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've watched the 100 - which I assume you have - you might have a clue as to where this is going. Exciting times ahead!
> 
> Also, I thought I might explain why I chose Matthew Black for Bellamy's new name. There is a band called Muse, whose guitarist's name is Matthew Bellamy, so that's why. And Black is a variation of Blake (or vice versa).
> 
> On another note, life is happening. Life equals university at the moment. I will be preoccupied with exams and essay deadlines until the 26th of this month (April), so there won't be a new chapter before that.


	4. My Dearest Love I'm Not Done Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy plays the villain, Bellamy the princess in need of rescue, Clarke and Octavia the heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! This is the end. We celebrate midsummer's eve tomorrow here in Finland, so in celebration of that I finished this.
> 
> Beta'd, as usual, by Laura and Esther, without whom this would have been a wreck.
> 
> Chapter title from Hozier's In the Woods Somewhere.

Clarke changed out of her white coat and ran to her car as fast as she could. The shift had dragged on, the three hours since Murphy's visit feeling like an eternity. It didn't help that Bellamy's phone was turned off. Rationally, Clarke knew he was probably asleep, yet she could not help but get panicked when she recalled Murphy's unsettling smile. She needed to get to Bellamy, make sure he was safe and alive.

The sun had just started to rise over the city, but the air was still cool and smelled of wet grass. Though a few cars passed Clarke as she drove to Bellamy's, most of the houses in the neighbourhood were still asleep: windows dark and doors locked. As Clarke pulled up in front of the Blake house she breathed out. There were no police cars or any other signs that something was wrong. The light in the kitchen was on and when Clarke knocked, Octavia opened the door.

“Hi Clarke. I didn't know you were coming over”, she greeted with a tired smile. “I'm just heading off to school – is everything okay?” Compared with Octavia's clean braids and careful make-up Clarke must have looked terrible: dark bags under her eyes and her hair a mess. Clarke was pretty sure she smelled of chemicals and sweat, but it was the determined look in her eyes that made Octavia stop.

“I'm fine. Where's Bellamy?” Clarke said and stepped inside the house.

“He's still in bed.” Before Octavia had time to ask, Clarke ran up the stairs.

The moment Clarke laid eyes on Bellamy, safe in his own bed, most of the tension left her shoulders. The curtains were closed, yet there was enough light for her to see his back rise and sink slowly as he breathed. The covers were pooled around his waist, his back bare as he lay on his stomach. Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully touched his unruly curls, before slipping two fingers on his neck to check his pulse. Just to make sure.

It was as if she had pressed a button to turn on a machine. Instantly Bellamy rolled away and landed on the ground with more balance than anyone waking up should be able to. A kitchen knife gleamed in his hand, held ready to strike. Clarke scrambled off the bed and held up her hands, pulse once again racing. Bellamy resembled a cornered animal, eyes scared and chest heaving, until he recognized Clarke and slowly lowered the knife.

“Clarke... What are you doing here?” he asked roughly with a disoriented frown.

“I came to make sure you were alright. Is everything okay? Why are you sleeping with a knife?”

Bellamy looked at the knife in confusion, as if he was as clueless to why he held it as Clarke was. Slowly, he rose up from the crouched position he had ended up in and put the knife on the bedside table before pressing a hand over his eyes. When he looked up, Clarke smiled weakly, recognizing her Bellamy again. The abrupt wake up had obviously left him shaken, but when he got back on the bed and opened up his arms, Clarke didn't hesitate to lay herself next to him and accept the embrace.

“I always sleep with a knife”, Bellamy admitted quietly. “I keep it in the drawer when you're here. Not being alone helps.” Clarke stroked her thumb over his chest in an effort to give him some comfort. During the nights they had spent together, she had woken up a couple of times because of Bellamy's nightmares. Usually he calmed down once she put her arms around him, but now and then she had been compelled to shake him awake. Being a doctor, Clarke was almost ashamed how many times it took before she realized that Bellamy's time in the army and with the Grounders had probably left their scars not only on his body, but his mind as well.

“It's okay”, she murmured and stroked his side softly. Her fingertips touched the scar on his lower abdomen and reminded her of the reason she was there. “Bellamy, someone came looking for you at the hospital.” Bellamy tensed underneath her and Clarke sat up so she could see his face. “He had a picture of you. I didn't say anything, but I think he knew I know you. He said his name was Murphy.”

Bellamy knew whom she was talking about, Clarke could see it in his face the moment she mentioned Murphy's name. There were a range of emotions, surprise, fear, something warmer Clarke couldn't put her finger on, in his eyes, but with an ease that only comes with experience, Bellamy hid them and sat up.

“I need to call Kane. When was this?” he asked as he pulled a pair of sweatpants on.

“About three hours ago, a bit more”, Clarke answered and got up as well. Bellamy looked around, searching for a shirt. Despite his outward calmness, the unfocused look in his eyes gave his nerves away. Picking it up from the floor, Clarke handed him a t-shirt and placed a soft kiss on his lips before he could pull it on. “We'll figure this out”, she said with more confidence than she felt, but the words were what Bellamy needed to hear.

“Yeah. Come, I have to catch O before she leaves. With Murphy around, she needs to stay at home.”

  
  


Octavia did not agree. She protested loudly, wild where Bellamy was collected.

“Maybe Murphy wouldn't even recognize me! Besides, what would he do?” said Octavia, her bag already on her shoulder and one hand on the doorknob.

“We can't risk it”, Bellamy answered with a clenched jaw. “I'll call your teachers, tell them you're sick.”

“I can take care of myself, you know? I'm not a child!”

“Octavia _please_!” Bellamy's voice cracked and for an unguarded moment the fear was clear in his eyes. Clarke reached out for him, but her hand on his arm went unnoticed as the siblings stared at each other. The tense silence was broken by Octavia's sigh. Dropping her bag by the door she marched past them and up the stairs without another word.

Bellamy turned to Clarke next. “Go home, Clarke. There's nothing you can do anymore.”

Clarke protested. Bellamy offered reassurances. Fear hid by determination and a forced sense of calmness: Clarke could see her emotions reflected in Bellamy's eyes. In the end, Clarke left to get some sleep. As she sat down in her car the weariness replaced adrenaline. Driving away, Clarke was too tired to notice the dark figure on a motorcycle at the corner. He watched her as she drove by, before turning his head back towards the house she had just left.

  
  


Clarke fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. After the long shift and the rush of adrenaline, she was too tired to stay up worrying when there, just as Bellamy had pointed out, was nothing she could do.

The insistent ringing of her phone was what woke her up. Disoriented Clarke reached for it and muttered a hoarse hello. Octavia's voice reminded her of what had happened, of Murphy, and the words “he's got Bellamy” was all it took for Clarke to feel wide awake.

“When?”. In two minutes flat Clarke was outside, relieved she hadn't had the strength to undress before falling in to bed. It was hard to tell the time, because a heavy mass of clouds covered the sky, the darkness threatening rain at any moment. Clarke drove as fast as she dared, her ear still pressed to the phone.

“Jasper came over after school, he wanted to see if I was okay”, Octavia told her with a strained voice, as if she was trying to keep from crying. “He left and then someone – Murphy – called me from Jasper's phone. Bellamy took it, and he left, and now both of them are gone! Clarke, I couldn't just – Bellamy told me to wait for Kane, he said he could handle it, but Clarke... He's my brother. _He's my responsibility._ ”

Clarke tried to calm Octavia and gather her thoughts simultaneously: she managed to do neither. When she pulled up at the Blake's house, Octavia ran out to meet her. Clarke didn't make it out of the car before Octavia had opened the passenger side door and sat down. She must have cried and then wiped at her eyes, because her mascara was smeared across her eyes like war paint.

“Bellamy left that way; let's go”, she said, clutching her phone in her hand.

Clarke nodded and started the car. Usually she was a very careful driver, but now her foot was heavy on the gas pedal. It might even be a good thing if a police car started following them. “Have you called the police?”

“I tried, but they didn't believe me. They don't know who we are and just told me to file in a missing persons report if he isn't back in a day. Fucking useless.”

The area Bellamy and Octavia lived in wasn't very rich or well-kept, but the further away from the city centre they drove, the smaller the houses and the paler the yards became. Two boys were throwing a baseball to each other in one yard; a motorcycle passed them well over the speed limit; otherwise the foreboding weather kept everyone inside.

The road ended, forcing Clarke to stop when no directions came from Octavia.

“Left or right?”

Octavia glared at Clarke. “How in the hell would I know? You're the one who has lived here her entire life! Think, Clarke! Murphy has to have a place he stays at.”

“Well, there is a motel a few miles outside of town...” said Clarke.

“Murphy is on the run, he isn't going to show his face anywhere”, Octavia immediately protested and nodded before Clarke could ask if Murphy was one of those whom Bellamy had given up to the FBI. “C'mon Clarke. Is there a warehouse, abandoned buildings, a landfill, anything?”

“Yeah, actually, there is”, Clarke realized and started driving. “It's just a few blocks away. It's empty, has been for like two decades, and everybody knows it. Two boys broke in a couple of years ago and it was in all the papers. There was a petition to have it torn down but the owner didn't allow it. Anybody could have told Murphy it's empty”, Clarke explained as she drove just a little bit faster with every house they passed.

“Clarke, STOP!” The car came to a halt hard, Clarke losing her breath as the seatbelt dug into her chest. It would bruise, Clarke was sure, but Octavia was already out of the car. She ran straight over the road to a stumbling figure. It was Jasper. His hands were tied behind his back and his face pulled into a grimace with a makeshift gag. There was no blood, as far as Clarke could see, but his clothes were muddy and there were tear tracks on his dirty cheeks.

Octavia pulled out the gag while Clarke opened his hands and the minute Jasper's mouth was free he started talking. “I'm so sorry, Octavia, I just – what happened? Who was that? What does he want with Bellamy?”

“Did you see him, is he okay?” Octavia asked.

“Jasper, you need to tell us where Murphy took you”, Clarke demanded. For a moment Jasper looked between them, then swallowed and continued with a much calmer, though still breathless, voice.

“He was fine the last I saw him, but I was thrown out when he arrived. I was trying to look for help, but it's like a ghost town out here. They’re at the Byrne house”, he said and Clarke's heart skipped a beat.

“It isn't far, Octavia. Let's go”, Clarke started running, but turned around and threw her car keys to Jasper before continuing. “Wait in the car and don't try anything!” She told Jasper and continued down the road, Octavia a few steps behind her.

Three stories high, with walls of wood and a big porch, the Byrne house had probably been beautiful before the twenty years of neglect it had suffered. They stopped at the skewed gate and Octavia pointed to the side, where a rectangle of light lit up the wild garden.

“There's a light on”, she said and pushed the gate open. Before she could run any further, Clarke grabbed her arm.

“We can't go in through the front door, it's too dangerous. Follow me.”

As a child Clarke had never seen the house because the neighbourhood was considered dangerous, but a year back Finn had taken her there. Clarke had refused to go inside, even though Finn had assured her it was perfectly safe. They had however explored the garden, and Clarke recalled a hatch in the backyard that lead into the basement. Hopefully they could get inside that way and surprise Murphy. Octavia followed as Clarke lead the way around the house.

The garden was overgrown, a small jungle in the middle of suburbia. Octavia almost tripped over a watering can which had been left in the middle of the path, while Clarke would have given her left hand for a machete to cut through the rose bushes with. And to use on Murphy once they got inside. Crouching down to stay undetected, Octavia and Clarke passed the window to the only lit room in the house.

The backyard was a mess, with stacks of cracked flower pots at every corner, a rusty swing in the middle of a sea of weeds. No street lights reached the area, so with careful steps the rescue mission searched for a way inside. They found the entrance underneath the house, hidden beneath leaves left untouched for many autumns. While they fought with the wooden hatch, a soft drizzle started, and before they had made it inside, Clarke's hair was sticking to her forehead.

It was pitch black in the cellar. The air was stuffy and Clarke could swear she smelled something dead. Hoping it wasn't a sign of things yet to come, she hurried forward, only to crash into a pile of boxes.

“Careful”, whispered Octavia. She passed Clarke, but stopped a bit further ahead and stared up at the ceiling. Eyes already getting used to the lack of light, Clarke walked over to her. She was just about to ask why they had stopped, when she heard the voices coming from above.

“... do you want me to say? I'm sorry.” It was Bellamy. He was alive. Clarke shared a relieved look with Octavia. Murphy spoke somewhere above them while they started looking for a way up, hoping there was one. Clarke tiptoed further into the darkness. In the corner furthest away from the entrance she found a hatch and crudely built stairs leading up to it. However, when she turned to gesture for Octavia to come over, Octavia was too focused on what was going on upstairs to notice. Clarke hurried back and the paleness of Octavia's face made her listen.

“... to die. Put it around your neck, now.”

“What does that mean?” Clarke whispered urgently. The look on Octavia's face was one Clarke had only seen on people in the hospital, when they realized their loved one wasn't going to make it but refused to accept it.

Octavia leaned in to whisper into Clarke's ear directly. “It's a tradition with the Grounders. It's what they do to traitors. They hang them.”

“Murphy, you don't need to do this”, they heard Bellamy say. His voice was even and Clarke wondered whether his hands were shaking as he held the rope that would be his death. They didn't, she decided and looked down at her own still hands. She was strong, and so was he.

“Yes I do, I do. You betrayed us”, said Murphy. As he walked, dust fell off the cellar ceiling. Octavia sneaked past Clarke towards the stairs, done with waiting and impatient to get to her brother. Clarke stayed still as Bellamy spoke again.

“Them? Or _you_? We both know this is personal.” Dust fell into Clarke's eyes, then the sound of a hit and a muffled groan carried through the floor.

“Fuck you.”

Both the boys on the first floor and the girls in the basement gave a start when the silence was broken by the distant wailing of sirens. As the sound drew closer Clarke's heart started beating faster. In the darkness time had been suspended, but now someone had pressed fast forward to catch up. There were the sounds of a short struggle and a shout from Bellamy, which was cut short so abruptly it took Clarke's breath away. She ran to Octavia, who pushed the hatch open and climbed out through the floor.

The hatch led up to a kitchen. Clarke didn't have time to take in the dust-covered surroundings, for her eyes immediately flew to the open door and the living room behind it. Standing with his back to them, Murphy hadn't noticed her or Octavia yet. He was looking up at Bellamy, who was hanging from a rope suspended from the exposed rafters. Bellamy was clutching the rope that was slowly choking him, feet kicking wildly. Clarke couldn't hear what Murphy was saying, but something made Bellamy lash out and punch him in the face. Murphy retaliated, punching Bellamy repeatedly in the stomach until he went slack.

“NO!” Octavia screamed and rushed forward. She had a knife in her hand, the knife Bellamy slept with when he was alone, Clarke realized. Though the knife had gone unnoticed, Clarke immediately spotted the gun Murphy turned towards Octavia. Before Murphy pulled the trigger, Clarke threw herself at Octavia. They crashed to the floor and the shot went over their heads.

Caught up in the moment, nobody had noticed how quiet it was in the absence of the sirens. The gunshot was the signal for the police to rush inside. The front door was kicked down and officers rushed inside in bulletproof vests. Clarke looked up in time to see Murphy run in the opposite direction and throw himself at a window. It broke with a loud crash and he disappeared outside into the darkness.

Pushing Clarke to the side, Octavia stumbled to her feet and ran to her brother, who might as well have been lifeless. She hacked at the rope, the end of which was tied to a staircase. Clarke made it to Bellamy before he fell, but couldn't do much to catch him, only shield his head from hitting the ground.

“Bellamy, c'mon, breathe”, she told him – _ordered_ him – while pulling the rope off his neck. Officers were running around them, shouting “Clear!” as they went from room to room. Octavia grabbed at Bellamy's head, the knife discarded somewhere on the floor, but Clarke batted her hands away and tipped his head back to open up the airways.

Even in the midst of chaos, her mind was calm.

Just as she prepared to press down on his chest, it moved under her arms. Clarke could have cried with relief.

“Murphy. Murphy!” Bellamy tried to shout, but his voice was wrecked after the abuse from the rope. He made an effort to sit up, but both Clarke and Octavia pushed him back down.

“Stay still”, Clarke ordered and smiled shakily as their eyes met. There was no time for explanations, because the next moment two paramedics arrived and pushed the girls aside. Clarke watched them as they placed a neck brace on Bellamy, who protested vaguely before acquiescing to the precautions.

The house had calmed down as most of the officers had gone outside. Murphy didn't have a long head start, but Clarke dreaded that he would get away. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach and the look Octavia gave her affirmed that belief.

A man in a suit, wrinkled and black, came up to Octavia. Having holstered his gun, he placed a hand on her shoulder. His dark brown hair had overgrown its neat haircut. He had a high forehead and a stern expression, but Clarke was surprised to see honest worry in his eyes as he looked at Bellamy.

“Are you alright?” he asked. Clarke could hear the authority in his voice even over Bellamy's protests that he could “walk just fine, fuck off with the stretcher”. The man in the suit offered his arm and Bellamy grabbed it, allowing the man to help him stand up.

“Took you long enough”, Bellamy said, his tone more weary than teasing. He was swaying slightly where he stood, and Clarke took a step towards him.

“I'm sorry. How are you feeling?”

“I'll be fine, Kane”, Bellamy answered. One of the paramedics cut in between and grabbed Bellamy by the arm, done with the reunion and desperate to get her patient to an ambulance. Kane allowed it with a nod, then turned to Clarke and Octavia.

“Go with your brother, but I am going to need a statement from you, both of you as soon as possible”, he said. Octavia nodded, turned on her heel and ran outside after her brother. Clarke wanted to follow her, but knew she wouldn't be allowed in the ambulance. Instead she stopped on the front porch and followed Bellamy with her eyes as he was led to the ambulance. A small crowd had gathered on the side walk: neighbours woken up by the commotion and eager to see what had happened. Must be the event of the decade, Clarke thought dryly.

A man ran past the officers who were holding the spectators away, and Clarke recognized Jasper. He had probably been waiting in the car as he had been told to do, but now he went up to Bellamy and pulled him into a tight hug. Octavia was gentle as he pried his hands away and kissed him on the cheek before climbing into the ambulance.

“Who is that kid?” Clarke looked up to find Kane standing next to her.

“Jasper Jordan. He's the one Murphy kidnapped to get to Bellamy”, Clarke answered. The ambulance drove away, lights on but sirens off. There was no need, the street was void of other cars.

“And who are you?”

“Clarke. Clarke Griffin.”

“Well, that was an extremely brave _and_ stupid thing you did there, Ms Griffin. You are all lucky you're alive.”

  
  


Once Clarke had assured Kane that she would give a statement the first thing in the morning, she was allowed to leave. Jasper met her with a relieved hug and they walked to her car together. Clarke decided to drive Jasper home before heading off to the hospital and on the way he recounted what had happened.

He had been waiting in the car, when Octavia's phone rang where she had left it on the passenger seat. He had answered it, only to have an unknown man demand to know where they were and who he was, and threaten him with all sorts of legal things if he didn't answer. The guy had told Jasper not to move once he'd given the address, and hung up.

“Why was a fed looking for Octavia?” Jasper asked in the middle of his story. Clarke kept her eyes on the road, unsure of what she was allowed to say. _She_ shouldn't know, after all. But then again, the Blakes weren't safe anymore. Clarke's throat went dry as she realized that Bellamy would be moving again. “Clarke?”

“He was actually looking for Bellamy. Kane is the agent in charge of keeping them safe” she finally answered and pulled up in front of an apartment complex. The light was on in Jasper and Monty's apartment. Clarke turned to Jasper after turning off the engine. “But you can't tell anyone. Not even Monty.” Though there were still many questions in his eyes, Jasper nodded.

“Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the police station.” Clarke nodded and mustered up a smile. Once Jasper was inside, Clarke turned the key in the ignition and headed to the hospital through the pouring rain.

  
  


There would be no lasting damage, Octavia told Clarke. The doctors had taken their pictures and checked his vitals and agreed that there was no danger, but for his own safety they wished to keep Bellamy there for the night. Kane had disappeared somewhere with his phone, but there was a police officer standing by the door to Bellamy's room. While Octavia went to get some coffee, Clarke stepped inside.

Bellamy was sitting on his bed, his hair and skin dark in contrast to all the white in the room. A tired smile grew on his face when he noticed Clarke. She walked over to him and took his hand carefully. The skin on his neck was heavily bruised to the point of looking painful.

“Did you get some ice on that?” Clarke asked and sat down on the bed. Bellamy nodded with a small smile.

“Everything is in order, Doc”, he answered and leaned forwards. Clarke met him for the kiss and tried to keep it careful, afraid of hurting him more. Quickly her emotions took over and she pressed harder, more intent on claiming his mouth and reminding him. Of what, Clarke didn't know. Perhaps to remind _herself_ that he was here and he was alive. Bellamy raised a hand to hold the back of her head, but the movement made him whimper against her lips and Clarke pulled back.

The hospital gown was easy to pull up and Bellamy leaned back as Clarke studied the bruises that covered his stomach and chest. She recalled the sounds of Murphy hitting him, and felt tears spring up in her eyes.

“Bellamy, I'm so sorry, this is my fault. If I hadn't been so horrible at lying he wouldn't have –“,

“Clarke, stop. It's not your fault. There's nothing to be sorry about”, Bellamy said and pulled down the gown again before making space beside him for Clarke to lie down. She hesitated, but eventually complied. Carefully they managed to settle in each other’s arms.

“What happens now?” whispered Clarke. The afternoon had felt like an eternity, she found it hard to believe that they had only been inside the Byrne house for fifteen minutes at most.

“Kane is making calls to have us moved to a safe house tomorrow. From there... I don't know”, Bellamy admitted, fingers playing with her hair soothingly. Clarke wanted to press him closer to her, hold on and not let go, but, mindful of his injuries, she didn't. Instead, she pressed her lips to his neck and held them there until she was sure she wouldn't cry.

“I –“, Clarke started, but Octavia opened the door and interrupted them with a tired frown.

“Clarke, your mom's here. She wants you to go home. She seems pretty mad”, Octavia said and sat down in the chair by the bed, coffee in her hand. Clarke sighed and left Bellamy's side. Octavia kicked up her feet on the bed and smiled sadly at Clarke.

“I'll be back tomorrow, I promise”, said Clarke. She pressed a kiss to Bellamy's lips, trying to memorize the feel of them. There was a hollowness in Clarke's chest as Octavia nodded with a forced smile. It felt like good bye.

“I'll call you”, Bellamy promised and squeezed Clarke's hand before letting go.

Clarke walked to the door and thought of Orpheus and Eurydice, of how he looked back and she disappeared. Clarke didn't look back as she walked out through the door, but she knew it didn't matter. He would still disappear.

  
  


The following morning Clarke went to the police station and gave her statement of what had happened to two stern agents in dark suits. She got a coffee with Jasper before going to the hospital, all the time knowing it was in vain. Bellamy had been discharged early in the morning. Clarke drove over to the Blakes’ house, but found it empty. There was a for sale sign in the yard.

For two months Clarke continued her life: she worked her shifts at the hospital, went out for beers with Jasper and Monty, even accepted Finn's apology for everything that had happened. Until one day, during her shift at the hospital, Maya asked her to come to the phone.

“It's a man, says it's about a job offer in Pittsburgh? I didn't know you had applied for a job in _Pittsburgh_.”

“I haven't”, Clarke answered with a frown, but took the call anyway. “Griffin.” It was impossible to contain her smile after that.

“Hi, Miss Griffin. I think we would have a position open if you're interested.” Bellamy sounded amused, and just as Clarke remembered him.

“Yeah? What kind of position?” Clarke asked and turned her back to Maya, who looked on with confusion. Bellamy chuckled on the other end.

“It is quite demanding actually. Requires a lot of... intimate work. Long work hours, of course.”

“When would you need me to start?” Clarke could picture Bellamy, without bruises now, a wide smile on his face. Without realizing she had already started to unbutton her coat.

“Immediately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who have given me kudos, comments or even bookmarked this. Wow, I am absolutely taken aback by your kindness. Now that we've officially reached the end (for this part, there is a part 2 coming up, so if you're interested in more subscribe to the series!) I am going to ask you for feedback. I hope you've enjoyed this, I certainly have.
> 
> Drop a comment if you're interested for more, if there's something you especially enjoyed or absolutely hated. Or just to say hi ^^

**Author's Note:**

> The way it's looking now is that there should be three parts more, four all in all. As well as a sequel if I ever get that far.
> 
> Leave a kudo or comment (or both!) if you enjoyed it :*
> 
> P.S. I did not misspell Bellamy's surname, just wait and all will be explained!


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